When the traveller arrives from sunny Birmingham to arrive at its twin town, Frankfurt after flying through the turbulence, the Boeing 737 descends into Germany on a decidedly grey day to arrive at the even greyer airport. I think we really touched down in Dusseldorf and drove to Frankfurt, the runway was so long! The German organisation takes the traveller from the plane, straight onto a walkway towards Baggage Retrieval.Walking
between a forest of grey steel columns, on a shiny grey tiled floor, past grey
metal panelling, beneath grey steel roof beams and cladding, and past grey
glazing. Following grey signs, efficiently written in German and English, the
unsuspecting traveller arrives onto the main concourse at Frankfurt Airport, the
grey signs inform them that there are two Baggage Retrieval areas to choose
from. Unfortunately the grey signs do not tell travellers which gate they
arrive at or that there are indeed two terminals or which one they are in. So
choosing Baggage retrieval areas becomes a bit of a challenge. On asking a
security guard, who was not dressed in grey! And looked like Thor, the Norse
Thunder God, as depicted in Douglas Adams’ Long Dark Teatime of the Soul. Thor says
that he speaks very little English then proceeds in in perfect English to give
directions involving going upstairs to 'Baggage Retrieval E'. Already being on
the top floor, and reading Thor's directions as meaning downstairs and
descending some stairs, well it was actually a stationary escalator, into a totally
deserted passport control area, except for Thor's mate. Thor's mate who also
looks like Thor was standing outside some kind of grey sentry box, and speaking
even better English than Thor and being most helpful. The German Security Guard
is decidedly military in appearance, dressed in dark green flat cap with red
band, khaki shirt, dark green trousers with red belt, and black boots. It is
the automatic rifle that gives it away. The sentry box has a khaki coloured
telephone that Thor II was using at the time to speak in German to his comrade
to find out how it is possible to not benefit from Germany's fabled hyper
efficient organisation. An inspection of the tickets confirms that this is
indeed the wrong place, actually the wrong terminal, and should go to 'Baggage
Retrieval D.' So it's back up or is it down? the stationary escalator. Past
tonnes of grey steel, this Fosteresque approach is all very well but could do
with a bit of colour here and there. Through passport control, more sentry
boxes and a very stringent, efficient look at my passport, and through to a
dormant conveyor belt. Where there was an architectural model. This model
at Birmingham's Eurohub, airport, was the right way up when the
passport-control-baggage-checking-in-type-of-female-person placed 'FRAGILE'
stickers on the top. But was sitting on the conveyor in a definitely inverted
position which after following Thor's directions this was not exactly a
surprise. On passing countless dormant baggage carousels, walking onto the
final dead carousel to retrieve baggage, it just had to be the last one. This grey monster of a building, is extremely large and significantly under-populated. Maybe Frankfurt is anticipating a huge influx of trade in the future. So
eventually passing through some automatic sliding doors to be greeted with the anticipated
questions about not being able to find our way out of the grey steel maze?
Why we didn't use the 'Skytrain'?
'What
Skytrain?'